We put our cars in for an annual service, assuming they’ll need an overhaul or, at the very least, a bit of TLC. Yet few of us give our relationships the same attention.

If you don’t want your marriage to stall or break down, an annual relationship MOT is a must.

Set a date – anniversaries are an obvious one – and take a good, honest look at yourselves and each other.

Ideally, you’d go through this list together – aiming NOT to say yes to any of the red flags.

If you’re not in the right space to do that, answer for yourself then - as best as possible - put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to answer for them.

If you do answer yes to any flags, is the issue new? Great! You caught it early, so it’s more easily fixed.

If you’re ticking this box every year but it’s something neither of you see as a problem, feel free to ignore.

Otherwise: start talking! Now!

1. YOU AIR KISS RATHER THAN KISS ON THE LIPS

Brushing cheeks is what we do with acquaintances: your partner deserves a direct plant on their mouth. That kiss needs to last more than a mere second, as well.

World-famous couples’ expert, Dr John Gottman, says kisses that last six seconds or longer are the key to a happy marriage. It needs to be at least that long to qualify as a ‘mindful’ kiss rather than a distracted one.

Overhaul: Aim for at least five or six elongated kisses a day: that 30 seconds or so will keep you more bonded than you think.

2. YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

What happens when you tackle a touchy subject? Are you able to talk it through rationally and calmly or does one of you storm out, sulk or simply refuse to engage?

Withdrawing from interaction is called stonewalling: shutting down and closing off from your partner. People tend to do this when they are feeling ‘flooded’ – so agitated and overcome with emotion, they’re incapable of responding rationally.

Everyone needs to walk away from heated rows now and then but if it’s your default, you are literally building a wall between you and your partner.

Overhaul: If you feel overwhelmed during a discussion ask for a break. Twenty minutes is usually enough to calm down. Agree on a signal beforehand that means ‘I’m not coping and I need time alone’, then spend it doing something relaxing.

3. YOU DISAGREE ON HOW TO PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

This is the number one red flag for potential damage to a marriage. Parenting is a stressful, thankless task even when it’s going well. If you can’t agree on any of the limitless decisions on how to raise your children, you’re in for a mighty rough ride.

Overhaul: We tend to parent the same way we were as a child - or as a reaction to this. If you’re fighting each other every step of the way, sit down and talk about your childhoods and what’s influenced you. Understanding why your spouse is arguing for something you don’t agree with, can help calm the situation so you can find common ground.

4. YOUR CONVERSATION IS MAINLY ADMIN

There’s a certain amount of necessary logistical chat in any relationship. But if all your conversations start with, ‘Did you remember to…’ or ‘Can you pick up…’ your relationship has moved from fun to functional.

Most people ask their friends far deeper questions than they do their spouse. Just because you see your partner all the time, don’t presume that means you know everything about them.

Overhaul: Ask ‘How did that make you feel?’ questions after you’ve asked what happened in their day. Don’t be scared to go deep: ‘Are you happy with where you are now in life? Are there any dreams you feel are drifting away that we could make come true?’. Aim to ask questions that make your partner feel seen and listened to.

5. YOU WATCH TELLY TO ESCAPE EACH OTHER

For lots of couples, squidging up on the sofa, glass of wine in hand and thumb hovering above the remote, is the longed-for highlight of the day. Nothing wrong with that - so long as you’re connecting before and after.

Needs immediate attention: Using television to cover up awkward, uncomfortable silences, is like putting a band-aid on a broken arm. You’re not even fooling each other. You haven’t just got an elephant in the room, there’s a herd. Talk!

6. YOU DON’T FIGHT

If you’re not fighting, you’ve stopped caring. Anger doesn’t signal the end of a relationship, indifference does. Sit up and pay particular attention if you were a volatile couple but now don’t argue at all. One or both of you have given up trying to find a solution.

Overhaul: Arguments are unpleasant but at least you’re expressing emotions, still committed to the relationship and attempting to find a resolution. Don’t be scared to have them.

7. YOU DON’T SHARE THE CHORES

By ‘chores’ I don’t just mean unstacking the dishwasher. I’m talking about all the things couples do to make their lives run smoothly. Household stuff and paying bills, organising social events, keeping up with friends and family, picking up the kids, walking the dog.

How equal is the distribution? Does it feel like a fair deal for both of you? If one works and the other doesn’t, one of you might take on the lion’s share happily. Many women who also work take on the burden automatically but feel resentful doing so.

Overhaul: Make a list of everything that needs doing on a regular basis, rate which chores you both don’t mind doing and which you hate, then split fairly.

8. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS ARE BECOMING AN ISSUE

It can be the cause of an unhappy marriage or the symptom of one. Plenty turn to the bottle or drugs to cope when problems arise; when the relationship spirals dramatically downward, substance abuse issues amplify at the same rate.

Needs immediate attention: Pay attention if this is happening to you. It’s not only grounds for divorce in some countries, it can also affect child custody.

Substance abuse is serious stuff. If your partner won’t accept there is a problem, it might be time to seriously consider the future of your relationship.

9. YOUR PARTNER ISN’T THE FIRST PERSON YOU RUSH TO TELL THINGS

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We put our cars in for an annual service, assuming they’ll need an overhaul or, at the very least, a bit of TLC. Yet few of us give our relationships the same attention.

If you don’t want your marriage to stall or break down, an annual relationship MOT is a must.

Set a date – anniversaries are an obvious one – and take a good, honest look at yourselves and each other.

Ideally, you’d go through this list together – aiming NOT to say yes to any of the red flags.

If you’re not in the right space to do that, answer for yourself then - as best as possible - put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to answer for them.

If you do answer yes to any flags, is the issue new? Great! You caught it early, so it’s more easily fixed.

If you’re ticking this box every year but it’s something neither of you see as a problem, feel free to ignore.

Otherwise: start talking! Now!

1. YOU AIR KISS RATHER THAN KISS ON THE LIPS

Brushing cheeks is what we do with acquaintances: your partner deserves a direct plant on their mouth. That kiss needs to last more than a mere second, as well.

World-famous couples’ expert, Dr John Gottman, says kisses that last six seconds or longer are the key to a happy marriage. It needs to be at least that long to qualify as a ‘mindful’ kiss rather than a distracted one.

Overhaul: Aim for at least five or six elongated kisses a day: that 30 seconds or so will keep you more bonded than you think.

2. YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

What happens when you tackle a touchy subject? Are you able to talk it through rationally and calmly or does one of you storm out, sulk or simply refuse to engage?

Withdrawing from interaction is called stonewalling: shutting down and closing off from your partner. People tend to do this when they are feeling ‘flooded’ – so agitated and overcome with emotion, they’re incapable of responding rationally.

Everyone needs to walk away from heated rows now and then but if it’s your default, you are literally building a wall between you and your partner.

Overhaul: If you feel overwhelmed during a discussion ask for a break. Twenty minutes is usually enough to calm down. Agree on a signal beforehand that means ‘I’m not coping and I need time alone’, then spend it doing something relaxing.

3. YOU DISAGREE ON HOW TO PARENT YOUR CHILDREN

This is the number one red flag for potential damage to a marriage. Parenting is a stressful, thankless task even when it’s going well. If you can’t agree on any of the limitless decisions on how to raise your children, you’re in for a mighty rough ride.

Overhaul: We tend to parent the same way we were as a child - or as a reaction to this. If you’re fighting each other every step of the way, sit down and talk about your childhoods and what’s influenced you. Understanding why your spouse is arguing for something you don’t agree with, can help calm the situation so you can find common ground.

4. YOUR CONVERSATION IS MAINLY ADMIN

There’s a certain amount of necessary logistical chat in any relationship. But if all your conversations start with, ‘Did you remember to…’ or ‘Can you pick up…’ your relationship has moved from fun to functional.

Most people ask their friends far deeper questions than they do their spouse. Just because you see your partner all the time, don’t presume that means you know everything about them.

Overhaul: Ask ‘How did that make you feel?’ questions after you’ve asked what happened in their day. Don’t be scared to go deep: ‘Are you happy with where you are now in life? Are there any dreams you feel are drifting away that we could make come true?’. Aim to ask questions that make your partner feel seen and listened to.

5. YOU WATCH TELLY TO ESCAPE EACH OTHER

For lots of couples, squidging up on the sofa, glass of wine in hand and thumb hovering above the remote, is the longed-for highlight of the day. Nothing wrong with that - so long as you’re connecting before and after.

Needs immediate attention: Using television to cover up awkward, uncomfortable silences, is like putting a band-aid on a broken arm. You’re not even fooling each other. You haven’t just got an elephant in the room, there’s a herd. Talk!

6. YOU DON’T FIGHT

If you’re not fighting, you’ve stopped caring. Anger doesn’t signal the end of a relationship, indifference does. Sit up and pay particular attention if you were a volatile couple but now don’t argue at all. One or both of you have given up trying to find a solution.

Overhaul: Arguments are unpleasant but at least you’re expressing emotions, still committed to the relationship and attempting to find a resolution. Don’t be scared to have them.

7. YOU DON’T SHARE THE CHORES

By ‘chores’ I don’t just mean unstacking the dishwasher. I’m talking about all the things couples do to make their lives run smoothly. Household stuff and paying bills, organising social events, keeping up with friends and family, picking up the kids, walking the dog.

How equal is the distribution? Does it feel like a fair deal for both of you? If one works and the other doesn’t, one of you might take on the lion’s share happily. Many women who also work take on the burden automatically but feel resentful doing so.

Overhaul: Make a list of everything that needs doing on a regular basis, rate which chores you both don’t mind doing and which you hate, then split fairly.

8. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS ARE BECOMING AN ISSUE

It can be the cause of an unhappy marriage or the symptom of one. Plenty turn to the bottle or drugs to cope when problems arise; when the relationship spirals dramatically downward, substance abuse issues amplify at the same rate.

Needs immediate attention: Pay attention if this is happening to you. It’s not only grounds for divorce in some countries, it can also affect child custody.

Substance abuse is serious stuff. If your partner won’t accept there is a problem, it might be time to seriously consider the future of your relationship.

9. YOUR PARTNER ISN’T THE FIRST PERSON YOU RUSH TO TELL THINGS